I'm Ryan Salvetine, greatest guy who ever lived on Elysium. Former football player, graduate of Central High School, Chipotle fanatic, mutant, and proud daddy of a baby girl. Get at me.

mandywebber:

ryan-salvetine:

That’s really kinky, but no. Unfortunately, that’s not what’s going on. I actually haven’t seen pip in awhile. That’s great to hear! I’m not so good. Oh, you know… I’ve been around. Basically just getting my ass beat with a baseball bat on a daily basis. Hey, you know how to set a broken nose, right? I don’t want that shit to be as crooked as Owen Wilson’s when I get back, if I get back.

Kinky for you, but I would prefer something a bit more low key. But, that is neither here nor there. I am sure you don’t want to hear about my sexual escapades just as I don’t want to hear yours. Though, if I drank enough who knows what I might say. Any-wait, what? Bats? Broken nose? Bloody fuck, Ryan! What the hell is going on? Where are you that you are- are you alright? Where are you?

So basically, you just prefer sex in general. Doesn’t it get boring after awhile though? Not that I’m saying sex with Penny is boring or anything, it was just a question. I don’t know about that, my escapades are really really interesting. No drinking for you, I don’t want to hear them. Let’s just say I made the mistake of trusting someone who I thought was my friend. Apparently, it’s difficult for people to be friends with me, can you believe that shit? Uh, I don’t really know. It’s really dark and I can’t see straight.